"Cool," I thought.
I cracked it open, and the note said I'd been Bipped. To the tune of 10 (!) of these bad boys.
Honestly it's not the CCs that get me, it's the ##%#%%$ Capt'n Intangibles discursively taking credit for what's on the back:
If I wanted a card with $%^$%#'s mug on it I'd buy one, darn it!!!!! Why's he on here!? This card for that very reason is the stuff of nightmares. And now I have ten of them.
Being philosophical about things, however, the coolest part of the package was that the bipper had his own calling card:
That's some serious Mafia-style bipping right there. Like the ace of spades over some dude's eyelids. If a sewing machine turns up in package you receive, you know what's coming.